28 Tips to Help Prevent Your Child from Developing an Eating Disorder
Dr. Carolyn Phelps, Ph.D
Next week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week (February 24-March 2), and as a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of people with eating disorders, I often am asked, “What can I do to make sure my daughter doesn’t develop an eating disorder?” (And yes, sons can develop eating disorders too.) So, here are my offerings, both as a psychologist and as a woman—in the hopes that our daughters and the girls we love and care about develop into healthy, self-confident, strong women, who are not defined by their physical appearance, but by their character.
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Let’s decrease the amount of time we spend complaining about our weight and appearance, and certainly, let’s stop making jokes about “I wish I was a little anorexic or bulimic.”
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Eat healthy. When we skip meals, we teach the girls in our lives to do the same.
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Let’s stop referring to food as bad, unless, of course, it’s spoiled.
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Let’s throw away our scales. Instead, we should be relying on how our clothes fit, and whether we are doing the right things—eating healthy and exercising in a healthy way to guide our behavior about what we should do next.
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Let’s shop for real food, not diet foods, unless, of course, there is a doctor’s order.
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Let’s exercise regularly and reasonably.
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Let’s throw away any laxatives, over-the-counter diuretics, and over-the-counter diet pills, whether or not they’re organic. Put them in the trash. They are not necessary for us or for girls.
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If you have a daughter who is a teenager, encourage her to make her own lunch, or to at least participate in the process.
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If you have two sets of clothes—the clothes you wear and the clothes you have been hoping to wear for the past ten years, but haven’t been able to wear because they don’t fit—throw away the hoping-to-wear clothes. It is sending the wrong message. We all should be wearing clothes that fit and flatter. Because, regardless of our size, stylish clothes that fit are flattering.
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Avoid rewarding or punishing with food.
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Avoid endowing food with special meaning.
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Food is not love. We should listen to how we talk to make sure we are not equating the two.
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Let’s stop teasing or criticizing girls’ bodies or eating. Avoid appearance-related nicknames.
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Indicate by word and deed that there are more important topics than weight, and better things to do besides diet or complain about one’s weight.
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Be accepting of those who do not match the ideal, and encourage the girls in your life to do the same. Many of us support the notion that we cannot, and should not, look like a model or a too thin celebrity, but chastise or criticize others for being overweight.
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We all need to develop our own voice.
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And then we need to teach girls to develop their own voice. Girls need to learn how to deal with all of their feelings, including anger. They need to learn how to tolerate others’ disagreeing with them, being angry with them, and being disappointed in them. Teach girls to have anxiety and distress tolerance.
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Encourage sports and physical activity. It is one way for girls to learn to feel good about their bodies that has nothing to do with physical appearance. Participation in sports and regular physical activity develops physical confidence and competence through mastery of a skill, which then can contribute to overall self-confidence and positive self-esteem. Participating in sports teaches one to learn how to take appropriate risks, teaches one to learn how to win and how to lose, teaches one to fail, survive and thrive, instead of feeling that failure is synonymous with demise. This is especially important for intelligent kids who may not have a lot of failure opportunities. Participation in sports can teach one how to set goals that are realistic and worth accomplishing. Participation in sports can teach girls how to bear up under the scrutiny of others, and it can teach that failing is not the same thing as being a failure. Participating in sports can provide a positive peer group and positive role models if you choose carefully.
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Encourage the girls in your life to do things that promote a sense of self-confidence in them.
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Do things to help promote a sense of self-confidence in your girl’s life, such as telling her about the qualities in her that you admire. Focus on process, not outcome.
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Teach girls financial competence.
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Watch T.V. and read magazines together, and educate as you go about the unrealistic portrayals of women.
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Buy dolls that don’t have Barbie figures.
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Guide wisely, and then let her have her own opinions.
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Sometimes let your daughters tell you without you always prodding.
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Read good parenting books and talk to parents you admire.
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Write letters to newspapers and call T.V. stations, who in their reporting of girls and women’s sports, give athletes weights. This information is irrelevant to their athletic accomplishments.
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Lobby schools to get rid of fast food sponsors and junk food in the schools.
When women and girls are valued and admired for who they are, as reflected by what they do, and how they treat and respect other people, and how they are treated and respected, they may stop being obsessed by how they look.
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